Wednesday, May 16, 2012

.i can't make you believe me.

It truly breaks my heart to know that some members of my family think there's nothing wrong with me other than being lazy.  "You just need to get out more"; "You need to exercise more"; "Well maybe if you didn't sleep all the time......"  They just don't get it.

I wake up at 5:30 during the week.  I leave for my 40 minute drive to work at 7:00.  After 7.5 hours, I make the 40 minute drive back home.  By that time I've been on the go for over 12 hours.  Then I have to take care of my mother.  She's unable to drive so I go by a couple nights a week to take her to the library; the grocery store; wherever else she needs to go.  On Saturday, I take her to run her errands again.  As her only child in the area, it falls on my shoulders.  My adult children and my husband try to help out, but she always has complaints.  "They're always in a hurry"; "I don't want to impose on them"; "They have too many other things to do."  Then Sunday is church.  And heaven forbid (no pun intended) if I miss church.  My mother is convinced if I miss a Sunday I'm going to hell.  Ugh!!

They just don't get it.  My body needs at least 12 hours of sleep a day.  Anything less is useless.  More is often appreciated but rarely seen.  Because of some of the medications I take coupled with the fact that I only have half a bladder, I'm often up 4 times a night to go to the bathroom.  So no, I rarely see the needed 12 hours sleep a night my body needs.

But my family rarely understands when I do have a few free hours that I just don't have the energy to do anything.  Do I WANT to go out and about and do things?  Absolutely!  A hike in the forest?  Out to dinner and a movie?  Visiting my daughter?  I would love to do things like that.  I just wish they understood how hard it is for me. 

Sometimes they do.  Some days they understand.  But more often than not I see that look in their eyes.  I hear that sigh in their voice.  The exasperation.  And I know what they're thinking........

"You could if you wanted to."

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